a wHOle lot to say

Last night I went to a girls night at Scotty's Brewhouse with some girls I know from high school. Kinda silly, I know. This came about from a Facebook wall post I saw asking if any girls from the Lawrence North class of '94 that still live in/near Indy would like to get together for a girls night to catch up. I jokingly replied asking if I could be an honorary girl and from the class of '94 since I am neither.

With an affirmative reply, I figured I'd at least show up to say hi and just politely excuse myself if I detected my Y chromosome was getting in the way of their fun. A total of 8 people showed up including me. Of the 7 other girls that showed up, none were super close friends that I hung out with a lot back in school but 4 I remembered well, 1 I remembered peripherally, and the other 2 I don't think I really knew before. In my case, I hadn't seen any of them for 17 years. Some had seen each other more recently but that was hardly universal.

As it turned out, I don't think I ended up inhibiting the dialog in any way, and I probably heard stuff that no man was ever supposed to hear. ;) It was sort of no holds barred on subject matter regardless of the one rooster in the hen house. For the most part, it was a lot of reminiscing about old times and catching up on what's been going on since. Most of that is pretty gender neutral. Of course the talk about such things as pregnancies and breast feeding revealed me to not be plumbed correctly to muster so much as a "me too."

The whole night ended up being a lot of fun. I didn't really feel all that out of place. In fact, it was fun periodically noting that I should have been. I ended up staying the whole time--about 3 1/2 hours over food and drinks. There were a few somber moments, but it was mostly laughter and boisterous obnoxiousness. I'm glad I had the opportunity to attend.

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22nd-Jun-2010 02:48 pm - got more than I wanted, gave less than I hoped

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I am still all the things I try not to be: inconsiderate, uncommunicative, reckless, irresponsible, but most of all...selfish.

My conscious mind keeps these in check most of the time. But when I allow my base instincts to surface (or when the simply overpower my better judgement), these are what I see come out. It seems like I fail to control these when it matters the most...and people get hurt...the people I care about the most. I find myself making mistakes I've made before and having the same disastrous results. I've learned so much about myself...I just wish I was better able to apply that knowledge.

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18th-Mar-2010 01:00 am - painting the kitchen

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Zach is coming to lay tile in my kitchen this weekend, so I'm trying to get it painted before he gets here. I taped off on Sunday, and it took seemingly forever. With all the cabinets and countertops and whatnot there's just a lot of things to tape around and it took something like 4+ hours when it was all said and done. At that point, I just didn't have the will left to actually paint.

Monday night is Macross night, so that brings me to Tuesday. Got home around 8 after stopping for some dinner and to get some supplies. hit the painting solid through around 12:30 or 1am. I wasn't really expecting it to take that long because there really isn't all that much surface area, but all the nooks and crannies that made taping off hard made painting hard as well. Oh well...at least it's done...well, part of it anyway.

I decided to paint the main part of the kitchen orange. That part is finished and I was able to get it done in just a single coat. Hooray! I plan to paint the breakfast nook yellow. I should have done that tonight, but I just wasn't feeling it. I replaced some of the power outlets and switches in the area I already painted, called it good, and went and did something fun instead.
( pics...cuz it happened )

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17th-Mar-2010 12:44 pm - ScrapBook sadface

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I've been painting my kitchen. I have pictures. LJ ScrapBook is broken. Sadface.

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13th-Mar-2010 02:44 pm - Reinventing Brian Ho

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This is a self-assessment. I'm taking a look at who I am and what I know about myself in the hope of being able to identify my strengths and weaknesses as a first step toward self-improvement. These are in no particular order (other than the relation of some to each other) and this list is surely incomplete.

( Read more... )

This was a good exercise for me and something that I have been wanting to do for several weeks. I had been putting it off because I knew it would take a long time—and it did. I've been composing this for over four hours and, while it's long, I don't really have that much text to show for it. But a lot of time and thought went into crafting this and I learned a lot through trying to explain the things I already knew about myself. And seeing it all laid out like this gives me a new form of perspective.

I've been working on this person I call me for quite a few years now. I am generally satisfied with the person I have become, but there is certainly much room for improvement. There's a lot here to work with. It is my sincere hope that I can use it to play a more active role in continuing to find and shape who I am.

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6th-Mar-2010 12:04 pm - BBRX

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Brian's Birthday Revolution X

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Another party is history. This past weekend I hosted the 10th installment of my birthday party with the people I've met playing DDR over the years. That's right, this is the 10th anniversary! I can hardly believe I'm still playing this game (at least a little) and am still in contact with so many of the people that I've met as a result. I certainly had no idea what I was getting into the first time I played DDR almost 10 years ago.

( details, details, details )

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1st-Mar-2010 11:11 pm - Objects in mirror may be closer...

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An interesting thing has happened to me more than once recently:

I have had the opportunity to spend significant amounts of time with people I've known for years in one-on-one or small group settings, and I start to realize how little I actually know about them. And, as I begin to fill in the gaps, I grow to like these people even more and crave to discover more.

I learn a lot about myself through what I learn about other people. I find a lot more similarities than differences even in people with whom I thought I had little in common. It helps me feel a little less alone at a time in my life I've been feeling the most isolated.

Thank you to my friends who make all the difference in my life in ways they don't often know and new ways I'm only beginning to understand myself.

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17th-Feb-2010 11:59 pm - Brithday blues and greens

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I have made it another year: thirty-five today. I generally regard birthdays as another step in the ongoing transition of aging rather than an immediate transcendence to the next level. From year to year I don't really feel all that different. It's only over a longer period of time that I really see how my life has changed and can look back over the course I have taken.

Yet today puts me in a new demographic bracket. I move out of 25-34 and into 35-44. This implies some kind of measurable (or desire to measure) difference between me today with a label of 35 vs. yesterday with only a 34. I'm just not feeling it. Sorry to disappoint all the marketing-types out there.

This birthday was rather strange for me though. It seemed filled with contradictions and a mix of feelings both good and bad.

For the most part, I treat my birthday pretty much like an ordinary day, but I usually have something I'm looking forward to. Today, however, I didn't have any plans or expectation for any sort of acknowledgment--much less celebration. This was disconcerting in a way I didn't really expect. It made the day feel somehow even less than ordinary. For most of the day I couldn't decide if I couldn't shake the feeling or if it was how I wanted to feel.

I think today was just a reminder that my life actually is very different than it was a year ago. I have a lot less certainty and stability than I've been used to and I'm still trying to find my way. But right about when I was feeling most unsure, things took a turn toward the familiar. I ended up going out to dinner with Lissa. When I got home, I had cards in the mail from her mom and her sister. I have a Facebook wall full of birthday wishes. I received calls and texts from still other people. So on this day when I was feeling trepidation over how my life has changed, it was great to be reminded of how the best parts of it haven't changed at all. Thanks to you all!

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18th-Jan-2010 10:45 am - silence

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I've had things to say but I haven't taken the time to say them. It's certainly not that I don't have the time. I feel like I have nothing but time lately...

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25th-Nov-2009 10:28 am - Didn't mean to be unfriendly...

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I apparently didn't have friend notifications turned on for LJ. There were a bunch of people who had added me that I hadn't added back. I have no idea how long some of them have been sitting out there...perhaps years.

In general, I have always just added back anyone who adds me. I just don't look at my own profile very often anyway to have seen these people. It wasn't a snub, and I don't have any private or friends-only entries anyway, so those people affected haven't missed anything. Sadly, my LJ usage has dropped off significantly over the years, so there's less and less to miss anyway.

Anyway, those people have been added and I have now turned on add notifications, so all should be right with my LJ world once again. :P

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